The TEXAN

[TALON]

A Texan buys a round of drinks for the entire bar, announcing that his wife has just produced “a typical Texas” baby boy weighing 25 pounds. Congratulations showered him from all around, along with many exclamations of “Wow!”Two weeks later, the Texan returns to the bar. The bartender says, “Say, you’re the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth. How much does he weigh now?”The proud father answers, “17 pounds.”The bartender, puzzled and concerned, asks, “Why? What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds at birth.”The Texas father takes a slow swig from his longneck beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says, “Had him circumcised.”

[TALON]

Brad, a local beach goer, couldn’t even get a second look from any of the girls on the beach. So he headed over to the lifeguard tower to see if the lifeguard had any advice for him.“Dude, it’s obvious,” said the lifeguard. “You’re wearing those gnarly old swimming trunks that make you look like an old geezer. They’re years outta style. Your best bet is to get yourself a Speedo—say, two sizes too small—and drop a potato inside it. You’ll have all the babes you can handle.”The following weekend, Brad hits the beach with his brand-spanking-new tight Speedo and his potato, and it’s not long before he approaches the lifeguard tower once more.“For cryin’ out loud,” said Brad, “it’s worse than before! Everyone on the beach acts disgusted as I walk by—covering their faces, turning away, laughing! What’s wrong now?”“Jeez, Brad!” said the lifeguard, “The potato goes in front!”

[TALON]

A fireman is at the station house working outside on the fire truck when he notices a little girl next door. The little girl is in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side.
She is wearing a fireman’s hat and has the wagon tied to a dog. The fireman says “Hey little girl. What are you doing?” The little girl says “I’m pretending to be a fireman and this is my fire truck!”
The fireman walks over to take a closer look. “Little girl that sure is a nice fire truck!” the fireman says. “Thanks mister”, says the little girl. The fireman looks a little closer and notices the little girl has tied the dog to the wagon by it’s testicles.
“Little girl”, says the fireman, “I don’t want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the dog’s neck I think you could go faster.”
The little girl says, “You’re probably right mister, but then I wouldn’t have a siren!”

[Rat4020]

That first one is a knee slaper
Hay Talon Why did the little girl carry a dead fish in her pocket????


She wanted ta smell like her older sister

[TALON]

Yea gross dude ! I have always been a catch and release type of guy .