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    Re: Ok Its Monday and a Jokes in order:::
    #21
    Intense Moderator Rat4020's Avatar
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    A FALCON NESTING IN A TREE

    Iíve received many remarkable nature photographs over the years but this photo of a nesting Falcon is perhaps the most remarkable Nature shot that Iíve ever seen. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. Nature is truly breath-taking!

    I've sent this to most of my older friends.



    The younger ones probably have never seen a falcon and

    wouldn't recognize it.











    The question is not if its gona roll. Its when ..

    That be some kind of church cruzzer or commuter bike thingy ?
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    Re: Ok Its Monday and a Jokes in order:::
    #22
    Protodie Master and Vendor ProtoDie's Avatar
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    A midget from Texas was experiencing constant pain in his crotch area. The midget went to the doctor and told him about his problem. The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look.
    The midget dropped his pants.
    The doctor stood him up onto the examining table, and started to examine him.
    The doctor put one finger under his left testicle and told the midget to turn his head and cough, the
    usual method to check for a hernia.

    "Hmm..." mumbled the doctor, and as he put his finger under the right testicle, he asked the midget to cough
    again. "Aha!" said the doctor, and reached for his surgical scissors.
    Snip-snip-snip-snip on the right side... then snip-snip-snip-snip on the left side.

    The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt.
    The doctor then told the midget to walk around the examining room to see if his testicles still hurt.
    The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around and discovered his testicles were no longer aching.
    The doctor said, "How does that feel now?"
    The midget replied, "Perfect Doc, and I didn't even feel it. What did you do?"
    The doctor replied "I cut two inches off the top of your cowboy boots."
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    Re: Ok Its Monday and a Jokes in order:::
    #23
    Keeper of the Asylum K-fab's Avatar
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    Why are gnomes always smiling?



    The grass tickles their balls when they run through it.
    Sand is for fast cars

    Dirt is for fast drivers



    Yellow Dog Racing
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    Re: Ok Its Monday and a Jokes in order:::
    #24
    Intense Moderator Rat4020's Avatar
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    Obama took a private plane flight over an Indian Reservationin Oklahoma Ö..

    The question is not if its gona roll. Its when ..

    That be some kind of church cruzzer or commuter bike thingy ?
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    Re: Ok Its Monday and a Jokes in order:::
    #25
    Intense Moderator Rat4020's Avatar
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    The one advantage ta being a muslum isssssssss
    If you change wives, you can still keep the same photo on your desk.
    The question is not if its gona roll. Its when ..

    That be some kind of church cruzzer or commuter bike thingy ?
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    Re: Ok Its Monday and a Jokes in order:::
    #26
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    THE AUSTRALIAN APPROACH

    A young Aussie lad moved to London and went to Harrods looking for a job.

    The manager asked 'Do you have any sales experience?'

    The young man answered 'Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Dubbo.'

    The manager liked the Aussie so he gave him the job.

    His first day was challenging and busy, but he got through it.

    After the store was locked up, the manager came down and asked, 'OK, so how many sales did you make today?'

    The Aussie said 'One!'

    The manager groaned and continued, 'Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day.
    How much was the sale for?'

    '£124,237.64p.'


    The manager choked and exclaimed
    £124,237.64!!
    What the hell did you sell him?'

    'Well, first I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium fish hook and then I sold him a new fishing rod.'

    'Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast, so I told him he would need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin-engine Power Cat.'



    'Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to car sales and I sold him the 4 x4

    The manager, incredulous, said, 'You mean to tell me...a guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a 4x4?'

    'No, no, no... he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his lady friend and I said...



    ' Well, since your weekend's buggered, you might as well go fishing.'














    Talon's YouTube Channel


    Adapt what is usefull , reject what is useless and add what is your own.........Bruce Lee
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    Re: Ok Its Monday and a Jokes in order:::
    #27
    Intense Moderator Rat4020's Avatar
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    Garth sent me this one I about burt my mug W/java readin this

    Best Come-Back Line

    Police work can be entertaining as well as dangerous.


    Recently, a female sheriff's deputy arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22 year old white male, who was fornicating with a pumpkin in the middle of a field at night. The next day, at the Gwinnett County (GA) courthouse, Lawrence was charged with lewd and lascivious behaviour, public indecency and public intoxication.
    The suspect explained that he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way home from a drinking session when he decided to stop. 'You know how a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around for miles, or at least I thought there was no one around' he stated.

    Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his pressing need 'Guess I was really into it, y'know?' he commented with evident embarrassment.

    In the process of doing the deed, Lawrence failed to notice an approaching sheriff's car and was unaware of his audience until Deputy Brenda Taylor approached him.
    'It was an unusual situation, that's for sure,' said Deputy Taylor. 'I walked up to Lawrence and he's just humping away at this pumpkin.'
    Deputy Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence...
    'I said: 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you're having sex with a pumpkin?'



    He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then he looked me straight in the face and said:

    'A pumpkin? Shit ... is it midnight already?'
    The court (and the judge) could not contain their laughter. Lawrence was found guilty only of public intoxication, fined $10. and sent on his way.








    The question is not if its gona roll. Its when ..

    That be some kind of church cruzzer or commuter bike thingy ?
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    Re: Ok Its Monday and a Jokes in order:::
    #28
    Keeper of the Asylum K-fab's Avatar
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    LOL!!!
    That's fantastic!
    Sand is for fast cars

    Dirt is for fast drivers



    Yellow Dog Racing
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    Re: Ok Its Monday and a Jokes in order:::
    #29
    Intense Moderator Rat4020's Avatar
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    A dedicated Teamsters union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels.

    When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union house?"

    "No," she replied, "I'm sorry it isn't."

    "Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"

    "The house gets $80 and the girls get $20," she answered.

    Offended at such unfair dealings, the union man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop. His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam responded, "Why yes sir, this is a union house. We observe all union rules."

    The man asked, "And, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"
    "The girls get $80 and the house gets $20."

    "That's more like it!" the union man said.

    He handed the Madam $100, looked around the room, and pointed to a stunningly attractive green-eyed blonde.


    "I'd like her," he said.
    "I'm sure you would, sir," said the Madam. Then she gestured to a 92-year old woman in the corner, "but Ethel here has 67 years seniority and according to union rules, she's next!"

    Last edited by Rat4020; 06-23-2014 at 10:44 AM.
    The question is not if its gona roll. Its when ..

    That be some kind of church cruzzer or commuter bike thingy ?
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    Re: Ok Its Monday and a Jokes in order:::
    #30
    Keeper of the Asylum K-fab's Avatar
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    HA!!!!!
    Sand is for fast cars

    Dirt is for fast drivers



    Yellow Dog Racing
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